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This activity teaches us we must hold tightly to things that matter. Share your treasures and your personal secrets with best friends. Do not share them with everyone. Some people will not value them!
Who would think you could pluck a coin from your elbow? I can… and it is easy!
Preparation: Place a penny in the crook of your right arm. Keep your arm slightly bent so the penny won’t fall out. (Wear short sleeves for this trick)
Do: Keep your arms slightly bent.
Say: “As a magician, I can find money almost anywhere…even in my elbow.”
Do: First, show that your hands are empty. Rub your left elbow with your right hand.
Say: “Wrong elbow. The money must be over here.”
Do: As you rub the “wrong” elbow, secretly grab the hidden coin with your left-hand fingers.
Rub your right elbow with your left hand.
Open your hand to show the coin. It will look as if you pulled it out of your elbow.
Practice this in front of a mirror . You do not want anyone to see the coin until the very end.
You kept the coin hidden and held it tightly. We have to keep our promises and hold our values tightly. If someone tells you something and you promise not to tell, keep your promise. This way, your friend will share his deepest thoughts, hopes and dreams with you. You may have a lasting friendship.
Say: Do you have a secret you told someone and they broke their promise and told everybody? What happened to that friend?
Share your story: I had a secret. I wanted to be a great singer but I never told anyone. I didn’t think I had the talent. One day, I started singing out in my father’s orchard of avocado trees. I sang my favorite song loudly to the birds, to the sky and clouds. My neighbors were walking by. They laughed out loud and started singing back to me in loud, off-tune voices. They made fun of my dream and I never wanted to be a professional singer again.
Say: Sing tunes for good friends who will join in with you and not judge your voice or talent.
Say: Have you ever made fun of someone? Are they still your friend? Did anyone ever make fun of you? It hurts, doesn’t it. Is there a promise someone made you keep and you broke it? This shows that you cannot be trusted.
Say: Here is a whimsical story about someone who was caught in a lie!”
Tell Joke: A private eye had just moved into his new office when there was a knock at the door. He wanted to make a good impression, so he yelled, “Come in!” and picked up the phone. He pretended to be someone important. The visitor waited patiently, and after a minute, the detective hung up the phone and said, “As you can see, I’m, very busy. What can I do for you?”
“Not much,” replied the visitor. “I’m here to hook up your phone.“
Say: This story points out the fact that it never pays to be dishonest. People often do things to make themselves look more important, rich or skillful. Usually, these people just want to be loved and appreciated. Be yourself. This is the best and most honorable gift you can give.
Boundaries: www.boundaries.me
When we think about setting boundaries in relationships, we have to consider the fact that you may encounter someone who may lie to you, which raises the question – Why do people lie, and what can you do about it?
There are really two categories of liars. First, there are liars who lie out of shame, guilt, fear of conflict or loss of love, and other fears. They are the ones who lie when it would be a lot easier to tell the truth. They want to be honest, but for one reason or another, cannot quite pull it off. They fear the other person’s anger or loss of love.
The second categories are liars who lie as a ways of control. They deceive others for their own selfish ends. There is no fear or defensiveness involved, just lying for the love of self.
You will have to ask yourself if you want to take the risk and do the work it takes to keep a friend who lies to you. There are people who have never had a relationship where they felt safe enough to be honest, and they tend to still be hiding. So they lie to preserve love, or preserve the relationship, or avoid being caught in something because of guilt and shame. They are not really dangerous or evil, and sometimes when they find someone safe, they learn to tell the truth. There is hope for habitual liars.
Dating is not a place for fixing someone who lies. This should occur in that person’s counseling, recovery or some other context. Just because someone lies out of fear, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable, and serious devastation can occur even with fearful liars.
The second kind of liar is a definite no-go. Tell him or her good-bye, and save yourself a lot of heartache. Perpetual liars are not ready for a relationship, no matter how much you’re attracted to him or her. Run, run, run!
So, what do you do if you catch someone lying to you?
1. Confront it.
2. Hear the response and see how much ownership and remorse there is for the lying.
3. Look at the level of repentance and change. How internally motivated is he or she to get better?
4. Is the change being sustained? Make sure you give it enough time. Hearing “I’m sorry” isn’t good enough.
5. Look at the kind of lying that took place. Was it to protect him or herself, or just to serve selfish ends? If it is the latter, face reality squarely that you are a person who loves themselves more than the truth and face what that means. If the former, think long and hard and have a good reason to continue.
Scriptural Application: Col. 3:9-10
Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of your Creator.
We are commanded to speak the truth. The Lord never lied. He expects us to do the same.
