by Have you ever been to a park and seen a frustrated husky race around tree after tree in search of frisky feline that outfoxed him? The expression, “Don’t bark up the wrong tree,” is a warning to all of us that we may be looking in the wrong place for something.
Journey and I attempted to make a new friend. We ended up barking up the wrong tree. The person we met was not interested in us. We sat down next to a stranger in the park. She was all alone but when Journey snuggled up to her, she angrily and abruptly exited stage left and departed in a huff.
Friendships aren’t easily found. It takes patience. Timing has a lot to do with it. Someone you meet may have just finished an argument with a loved one. They may not be in a mood to talk. You may never know the reason why you are rejected.
Most of us feel unliked or unloved when someone gives us the brush-off but that feeling is an illusion. Keep in mind, a person who walks away from you misses a great opportunity to strike up a conversation with an interesting and remarkable person. That’s YOU! You have something worthwhile to say, don’t you?
Check out the video in this post. The two stunts Journey and I perform, are illusions. We make you think you see something that really didn’t happen. People who are not friendly to us may have dozens of reasons for not participating in conversation. You may feel you are unwanted but that is not the truth. It may look that way but this is another illusion.
What is the best way to meet someone? The answer is to be a people magnet. Here are some simple ways to make new friends.
- Smile when you approach someone. Say, “How are you?”
Practice a genuine smile that welcomes someone into your life. Be honest when you are asking someone, “How are you?”
2. Listen to their answer. This is not just a greeting. If this person replies with a simple one word answer like, “fine”, ask for details about his life. Say, “I’d like to get to know you better. You seem like a nice person. Tell me something about yourself.”
Listen closely to what someone says. Build your conversation from their responses. Wait until they finish a sentence before you dive in and answer. Pick up on what they said and ask for a little more detail. Nod your head. Smile , more. Say, “Uh-huh”.
3. Respond thoughtfully and kindly.
4. If this person still resists conversation, don’t give up. Be interesting. Have something to say or do that will make them laugh or smile. When you know you will meet new people, have a stunt up your sleeve to do for them.
This blog teaches you many tricks you can do on the spur of the moment to generate enthusiasm and intrigue. One of the easiest things you can do is carry a pack of chewing gum around with you everywhere you go. Offer a stick of Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum. Tell the story about how William Wrigley became a multi-millionaire and bought Catalina Island. I will not tell his whole story. Google this amazing person and get all the interesting details. This is just one of dozens of casual things you can do to spur interest and conversation.
5. Keep in mind your friendship is an investment in your time.
We need to care for people. It takes time to make and keep friendships. Social media doesn’t do the trick. Actually spending time with a person is better than the phone or Skype. Plan an event together. Probably the best thing to do together is help someone in need. Pick a neighbor that needs a car washed or an elderly person who may not have time to rake the leaves in their yard. Maybe you can walk their dog. Perhaps, you can share your dog with an elderly person or someone new you meet. Choose an activity and invite your new friend.
6. Share things about yourself. I prefer to talk about the closest tree or plant I can identify. Learning the names of flowers and insects, birds and bees, shows you are interested in life. Everything has a wonderful story.
7. Ask this new person: Where do you live? Do you have brothers and sisters? What is your hobby? Pick just three things but after each question you ask, listen to what they say about themselves. The more you both share, the more you will find in common and the safer you will feel spending more time with this person. Be willing to share your faith and give your personal testimony. That means, tell why you believe what you believe.
This need to be repeated: YOUR SMILE, not your words, not your appearance, shows you are interested and open, happy and friendly. These are six ways to meet a new person. In our next blog, we will talk about people to avoid.
Refuse to believe people don’t like you. A person who rejects friends or companionship misses a great opportunity to strike up a conversation with you. This is the way we should feel. That person may be angry, or feel rejected themselves. He or she may feel so much sadness inside that no one seems friendly.
This post teaches you how you can make friends with people. Don’t bark up the wrong tree. While it is important to try to make friends with all people, our hearts are fragile. Reduce the number of times your heart is broken by refusing to believe you are not likeable. In our next post, we will suggest ways you can choose good pals.
Spiritual Application:
Proverbs 27:9
A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.
Job 15: 13
Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his brother.
Thessalonians 5:11
Two people are better than one. They can help each other succeed. If one falls, the other can reach out and help. Someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Col. 3:12
As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another.
Boundaries Application:
Boundaries are the way two people communicate and act with one another. Each of us need his or her own rules to safeguard individual freedoms and safety. Boundaries need to remain in place to keep a relationship healthy.
Discuss the following questions with a trusted friend. When you meet someone for the first time, you have already crossed an invisible line between you and another person. You have chosen to accept the possibility of a new friend.
Read these questions with your parents, family members or another friend:
- What is acceptable or unacceptable to say or to talk about with another person?
- When is a good time to call someone or text them? Is there a time in the day you do not wish to communicate? Friends need to know this.
- How close do you like to be next to someone. Family and close friends you have had your entire life, may feel O.K. if you brush shoulders with them but new friends need some distance.
- How free are you with sharing tears with someone? Would you do this with someone you first meet?
- What items do you have that are only yours? Do you feel free sharing these things with others?
- Some people like to ask for favors. How much time do you spend doing favors for other people. Are there some things you will not do for a friend?
- Can you freely give your opinion without feeling you will lose a friend? Do you share your faith instantly with a new friend? Do you wait until you develop a better friendship and get to know them?
- Are their activities you absolutely will not participate in with a friend or by yourself? What are they?
You may be able to answer these questions yourself. Be clear about how you feel. This will help you decide if you should continue a friendship with someone who constantly shows no respect for how you feel and who wants to participate in activities you know will bring you harm mentally and or physically.
